In the daytime I am human (at night I wish to be your angel)
by pomidor
Summary: Post season eight. Castiel has got problems with his feelings for Dean. His night escapades may be a solution. A bit saddish, I guess? Oh, and Destiel.


**In the daytime I am human (at night I wish to be your angel)**

Castiel wasn't completely hopeless at being human. He remembered the time when he was falling and when he was completely powerless. He remembered the feeling of hunger, the irritation that came with tiredness.

Well, there were still things that he was bad at, for example cooking. As much as he liked eating, cooking was a mystery to him. After a month or so of trying to teach him, Dean declared him a lost case.

He surprisingly ate a lot. The only things he could make were sandwiches, but they weren't completely satisfying. When he woke Dean up to make him a proper breakfast one time too many, the older hunter persuaded Kevin to teach Cas the basics of preparing meals. Kevin was not much of a cook himself, but he somehow taught Castiel to make an edible breakfast, that usually consisted of eggs and bacon. He usually prepared one for Dean and Kevin (and Crowley) too, because Dean was the one that cooked their dinners.

Sometimes Dean called him a whiny brat, because it was hard for him to pass a diner, or a restaurant or McDonald's without complaining about how hungry he was. It usually ended in a fight. Dean was always stressed out, and worried for his brother. Usually, he was the first Dean chose to have an argument with. Maybe because Cas tried to seem like he was fine after the Fall, like he wasn't broken. He wanted to show Dean he was strong enough to take care of himself, the hunter had enough weight on his shoulders.

Sleeping proved to be problematic. Whenever he laid alone in his room, the memories of wings and light and falling skies plagued him. Dean called him an insomniac, but Castiel could easily fall asleep during the day. The sunlight and the awareness that everything was alive made him peaceful. His resolve was walking around the batcave at night. That didn't make him very calm; the air in the place was static. He started sneaking out and sitting in the bushes. The air there was comforting enough. Once he even fell asleep. He was woken up with Dean's yells and the man dragged him inside angrily. He ordered him never to go outside at night again under a threat of locking him in his room. Thinking back on it, maybe it wasn't the smartest move to point out Dean taught him how to open locks.

So he was again wandering the cave and every night he felt more and more trapped. Not only was he contained in this body, now he was closed in a place too. The thought made it harder to breathe. He passed Dean's room, not daring to come inside. Dean was always irritated if Cas stayed in his room too long and didn't give him a chance to rest. Not far away was Sam's room. Castiel decided to visit the comatose brother. Sam wasn't waking up, even though they tried everything. Castiel sat down besides the bed on a chair that Dean frequently used. He could not do much besides hold Sam's hand and caress his hair. He couldn't heal him, nor make him feel better. The silent but breathing presence of Sam calmed him instantly. He kept watching over the younger brother every night from then. Sometimes the guilt overwhelmed him, and he asked himself why wasn't he the one to try closing the gates of hell (though he couldn't even close the gates of heaven). It was no wonder, that after having Dean as his human figure, Cas blamed himself for everything, the Winchester way.

He always managed to leave Sam's room before Dean woke up. As he got used to his new night visit place, he was getting sleepier. There came that one time when he slept in the chair with his head on Sam's stomach. He woke up and saw Dean surveying the situation, eyes going forth from his hand that grasped Sam's palm and back to his head that was comfortable on Sam's slowly breathing belly. The look in his eyes was beyond confused, it seemed completely disapproving. Dean was probably mad that Cas was interrupting his brother's rest.

Of course they didn't talk about it. But Cas felt bad for making Dean upset and so he stopped visiting Sam's bedroom. He was again left wandering. Sometimes he stole Sam's laptop and researched various things. At times they were connected with cases, but more often then not Cas was researching his own human interests. Sometimes he watched movies, and one night Kevin went out from his room, with bed head and sleep in his eyes and got Castiel headphones.

Sometimes he visited Crowley in the dungeon. But Crowley, normally a vile creature, was angry and painful and his every word had poison in it. He was still very weak and almost human and that made him absolutely furious.

One of his lonely nights he walked next to Dean's room and heard a shout. He quickly entered the bedroom and saw that Dean was asleep. Sweat was covering his face and he trashed on the bed. Cas wished he was an angel so he could see what nightmare he was having. Was it about hell? He couldn't know, so his only option was to wake Dean up.

"Dean!" He tried shaking him. "Wake up, it's all right. I'm here, we're here. We're safe. Sam's safe."

That seemed to get a reaction. Dean opened his scared green eyes and regarded Castiel.

"Cas?" his voice was throaty and strained.

"You were having a bad dream, Dean." He tried to sound calm, to soothe the hunter.

"Did I….. Did I shout?"

"A bit. But I could only hear it because I was near."

Dean seemed to be contend with that answer.

"Was it about hell, Dean?" Castiel asked. He read somewhere in the internet that it's good to let people talk about their emotions. Not that Dean liked to talk about them, but he was scared and shaken and maybe he needed just that.

"No." His voice was still deeper then usual. "It was about Sammy. I couldn't … I couldn't save him.

Cas could understand. He had nightmares, thankfully he rarely remembered them. He didn't know what to do in this situation. Everything he wanted to say sounded stupid and not nearly enough to calm Dean down.

"I remember that once I was observing the earth I saw two brothers. It was a long, long time ago – "

"Cas." Dean stopped him. He seemed to have a minimal smile on his face. "Are you trying to tell me a bed time story?"

"I'm sorry. I read that some voices have a calming effect, but you're right, mine could disturb you."

"No, Cas, it's just… Only my mother ever done that and I was a brat then."

"Would you wish me to continue?"

Dean closed his eyes and sighted. "Yeah."

So Castiel told him a story about two knights who competed for a beautiful lady's heart. They didn't like each other very much at first, which was understandable. Dean started snoring lightly when he got to the part when they discover they're brothers.

So Cas found a new place to spend the night. He usually got there when Dean was already sleeping, but when Dean woke up and looked at his friend watching over him he quietly went back to sleep.

The situation was okay with Castiel. Dean was content. But one night ruined it for him.

He was watching over Dean as usual when he heard a groan. He tried to wake Dean up but in the process the covers slipped and Cas was made aware that Dean was in fact not making noises of pain. His penis was leaving a damp spot on his pajamas. And Castiel's own stirred in answer, something that haven't happened since pizza man.

Castiel always knew that Dean was someone very important for him. But they were like _brothers_, Dean said so. And Castiel knew how wrong it was to see his family in a certain way.

He returned to visiting Sam, because Sam was warm and unconscious and he didn't make Cas feel the way his older brother did. Dean didn't know what happened, wasn't happy with it, but he didn't comment.

Two weeks later Sam woke up. He was weak, ill, and Castiel didn't know how to take care of him. Thankfully, Dean was full set on making his brother return to health and problems with Cas seemed to have left his mind.

For Cas it was a very uncomfortable situation. Don't understand him wrong, he cared very much about Sam and was delighted with his returning strength. But it made his usual night location impossible to visit. The first night he tried to sneak into his room, Sam was still awake. He looked up at him and asked if he needed anything with his honest puppy dog's eyes and Castiel was too embarrassed to tell him about his night escapades to his bedroom. He didn't want to burden Sam with any more weird things.

He was bound to rethink his opinion on the matter however, when Dean argued with him over something as stupid as his mug, which accidentally ended it's existence on the kitchen floor. He got into Sam's room tired and angry. He sat in the chair offering no explanation.

"Um… hey, Cas?" Sam was unsure what to do. He was already on the verge of sleeping when the ex-angel showed up. He sensed trouble. These days there was a lot of tension between Dean and Cas.

"Your brother is driving me mad."

"Well, he does have this effect on people."

Cas sighted and Sam saw how deep the shadows under his eyes were. He sat up on his bed and put a comforting hand on his friends shoulder.

"Are you feeling okay?" He asked looking into the blue eyes seriously.

Cas understood why Dean considered emotional talk unnecessary. He didn't want to tell Sam about his problems but at the same time he liked the comfort his touch offered.

Sam seemed to come to a decision. His face was telling he was ready for things to get uncomfortable and that's what Castiel feared.

"Dean told me you've been sleeping here when I was unconscious." He said and Castiel took an exasperated breath.

"Not exactly sleeping. I've just been sitting here."

Sam looked at him with a face that said 'I'm gonna regret this' and pulled his arm. Castiel moved with the force and before he knew it he was laying in Sam's bed.

"Are you sure about that?" Castiel asked feeling confused.

"Yeah, just… please get some sleep."

Although it was a bit embarrassing Castiel felt calmed by the presence of Sam's big body radiating warmth, even though they weren't touching.

Waking up wasn't quite as nice. Before he even started understanding the situation, he was forcibly removed from the bed. He stood before a very angry Dean that shouted something along the lines of 'You have your own bed' and 'grown man don't sleep together' and some other bullshit that Castiel was too sleepy to acknowledge.

"It's none of your business." He said and walked away not looking at the hurt in Dean's eyes.

As revenge Dean took Kevin on their next hunt. He usually took Cas, because Sam was still weak and Castiel was a damn good hunter (no wonder, he had been a solider previously).

He didn't contact them for three days and then he only phoned to tell it was more demons then they expected, but they have it under control.

In the meantime Cas borrowed Dean's bed. He didn't understand why his own bed wasn't as comfortable. Dean once mentioned something about memory foam (there goes the proof that even inanimate objects remember Dean Winchester).

The bed smelled like Dean. It was a nice scent, Castiel felt captured by it. Maybe that's why he let his hands wander under his pants and his instincts (that he didn't know he possessed) directed his touches well. So well that it left a mark on Dean's sheet.

Cas panicked when he realized what he'd done. He tried to sneak the sheet into the laundry basket and preyed that Sam didn't notice the stains. What would Sam think of him? What if he would tell Dean?

He lived with this fear but when Dean came back, nor him, or Sam seemed to notice a thing.

Cas decided he should find a solution and quickly. So on their next hunt he found a girl in a bar and went with her to her house. She resembled Meg. Turned out she was nothing like Meg, because he was almost sure he would have a much better time with the demon instead.

Dean didn't talk to Cas about it. From his face Cas could deduct he wasn't all right but he didn't talk about, because he was the great Dean Winchester who never talked about important things. And anyway he had no right to critique him, because Cas saw Dean leaving with a girl on numerous occasions.

As always the hunter shattered everything. After an especially ugly hunt, with a whole family cruelly killed, he kissed Castiel. And before the ex-angel could react Dean was gone from his sight.

Castiel laid in their motel room alone and tried not to think. He wanted to forget how soft the human's lips were, how desperately big hands kept him in place. He tried to forget the look the cashier gave them when Dean asked for the room (and forget how he tried to pretend he didn't know what that look meant).

When Dean came back around midnight he was completely smashed. It took him free steps to get to Cas' bed and a second to start kissing him with warm lips and teeth and lots of tongue. The heavy make out session ended with Cas naked and completely out of his mind. He wondered if you could get drunk from the taste of alcohol on someone else's lips.

Dean was harsh, quick and frantic; Castiel wasn't prepared enough to not feel pain with every move. But he was ecstatic because Dean was _inside_ him. He pinned him tightly to the bed. The hunter was delighted with every scream (that the neighbors definitely heard). Only his words, when he calmed Castiel in his afterglow, were gentle.

The morning after that Cas was sore; he had a problem with getting to the shower. Dean was out like a light after a shit ton of various alcoholic drinks. When he woke up Castiel wasn't in the bed, he was already on the computer with a steamy cup of coffee in his hand. Dean didn't really know how to start, how to apologize.

"How are you feeling?" It seemed a sensible thing to ask. Castiel looked at him with his impossible blue eyes and tilted his head in a way that the hunter recognized as his trait.

"What do you mean?" His voice got even deeper after all the screaming.

"I … I got a little carried away last night." It was hard to talk about this. He could see the signs and marks he left all over Castiel's body.

"It's all right." Cas said and returned to his research.

Turned out it wasn't alright. When they got back to the batcave Castiel acted normal. Which was really unnerving because he covered the marks on his neck with make-up (where did he even get it?) and didn't visit Dean at night. It puzzled the hunter because Cas was willing when he kissed and touched him. He always stared at Dean with adoration.

So the older Winchester confronted him about it, but before he got any genuine explanation Cas was already riding his cock (where did he even learn that?).

Castiel didn't see him every night, some nights he sat in the kitchen, sometimes he spend time in the dungeon. He stopped talking with the almost-not-demon, when Crowley started telling what he could smell on the ex-angel.

However, when he got to Dean's room it always ended with warm, sweaty bodies against one another. Castiel tried to keep his voice down, but it was hard. Dean Winchester was a sex god. He never stayed in the morning. One of those nights Dean woke up earlier then usual and made his way to the kitchen that was Cas' favorite place.

Cas was there trying and failing to make pancakes. Dean chuckled when he saw him try to turn them.

"What are you doing?" He said softly and smiled and shit he was getting softer with age.

"Pancakes." Said Cas looking at the frying pan like he wanted to smite it.

"Let me." Dean said taking the pan from him. Cas looked like he failed in life, so Dean asked him to make coffee.

When the pancakes and coffee were done Cas wanted to wake Sam and Kevin up. He was stopped however by Dean's hands pinning him to the counter.

Dean got quite a shock when after he kissed him, Cas pushed him away.

"We're in the kitchen, Dean." His voice was scandalized and Dean looked at him like he didn't comprehend his words.

"So what?" he asked, still shocked.

"What if somebody sees us?"

"I don't care." Said the hunter with a very stubborn look.

"I do." Castiel didn't want Sam or Kevin to see what a dirty and disgusting creature he was.

Dean's face instantly changed to one of a stabbed person.

Castiel made it up to Dean at nigh, with his mouth and hands. He kneeled down before him and hoped the man knew how much such a gesture costs an angel.

Dean had to ruin everything (if something wasn't Cas' fault, it was always Dean's fault). He touched the ex-angel's hand and when Cas ripped it out like it was burned he started arguing, there in the living room, in front of Sam.

"What is wrong with you!?" Dean's eyes and voice showed how betrayed he felt.

"Not here, Dean." Cas tried to placate him.

"Why not here!? If you think nobody saw you enter my room at night you're mistaken! Why do you make such a problem of it?"

Cas didn't want to look at neither brother. He quickly escaped to his room and slammed the door.

Around ten p.m. he heard a knock on the door. He wasn't calmed by Sam's voice, asking if he can enter.

"Cas." He said, sitting on his bed and looking at his profile. "Dean asked me to talk with you."

He got no answer.

"Cas, seriously, what's wrong? Dean told me he has no idea what gotten into you."

He avoided Sam's eyes when he said; "Don't you find me disgusting?"

"Why would I? You know I'm not against gay guys or anything."

"It's not about that."

"Than what's it about?"

Cas took a deep breath. "It's wrong to covet one's own brother, isn't it?"

Sam looked puzzled. "But Dean isn't your brother."

"Exactly, if I become Dean's lover, he will stop seeing me as his family."

"Cas." Sam whispered. "You should have talked with him sooner."

"What good would it do?"

"Well, firstly he would tell you that you're an idiot. Secondly, if you're his lover, doesn't it mean he loves you more then family?"

"For Dean there is nothing more important then family. I could never be more important then you in his eyes."

"Let's start again." Sam said irritated. "Couples that love each other get married and they become family. You're like my brother-in-law."

"Dean and I are not married, and I don't think he would ever marry me."

"Cas, you're driving me insane. Just, please, go talk to him."

"I don't know what to say."

"Fine. Go talk to him tomorrow. Just end this stupid tension around the house, okay?"

He went to the living room the next morning and touched Dean's shoulder lightly.

"Can we talk?"

"Oh, now you want to talk."

"Dean, please."

"Fine." Dean crossed his arms.

A thousand of words crossed his mind, but he chose to use the ones that always worked in movies.

"I love you."

In the distance Kevin choked on his sandwich and Sam was patting his back.

Dean still had crossed arms and looked at Castiel with hard eyes. "Will you let me touch you in public?"

"Yes."

"Fine, you're forgiven."

But for the rest of the day Dean done everything with fury; he chewed his food angrily, done research complaining and held Castiel's hand very tight, just because he could.

At night he stopped Castiel when he started undressing.

"Tell me how did that story with two brothers end."

"Oh, they almost killed each other in a fight, but then one saw a necklace the other was wearing and recognized his baby brother. They stopped fighting for the girl and started living together."

"Did they live happily after that?"

"No, they were killed by a ghost of the girl, but I was going to omit that part."

Dean smiled at him and made a place for him on the bed. When they were both inside the covers, he put his hand on Castiel's face and kissed him. Castiel looked at him with joy in his blue eyes.

"Sleep, Cas." Dean said encircling his waist with the arm. "I'll watch over you."

**Well, I don't own Supernatural. **

**It would be nice if you reviewed, though it's probably not good enough. I'm just sick and sitting at home and bored to death. I'm sorry for the mistakes (I'm not a native speaker). **


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